When I published my book back in November, the amount of feedback and questions I got was something I had only dreamt about. I had no idea anyone was going to buy it let alone want to talk to me about it. And now, I have people reaching out every couple of days, still, asking me what I did and how I did it. I am going to share my entire process here in hopes to inspire you and relate to how you might be feeling right now.
First off, I have been writing since I first learned how. The oldest journal I still have is from 5th grade. I have been writing on and off for years. I have several starts to my book all over the place. This is because I was afraid to share my story. As life went on and more horrible things happened and my depression thickened, I convinced myself I could never tell my story. I almost completely convinced myself that I could never share the true stories that happened in a way that I felt comfortable. Until one day in February 2022, I was walking with my friend Gina after we picked up our girls from school and she was talking about her book she was writing. I told her how much I envied her and how I wanted to write a book so badly. She literally said to me "Just do it." And for whatever reason in that moment, I believed I could. So I did. From February until about July I wrote and wrote over 100 some pages. Then one day I looked at it and reread it over and over. I then decided this wasn't it. I could not publish what I wrote. I wasn't ready. I couldn't do it. I didn't feel comfortable writing it the way I did. I used names, I went into great detail and relived some of the most painful days of my life. This process was tremendously hard for me. I didn't quite realize how much of a toll it took on me until later in the year. It had to grieve all over again. I was depressed in some ways, all over again. I took my anger out on people who didn't deserve it. I indulged a little too much in alcohol and made a fool of myself in front of my neighbors. All because I was reliving the hurt and pain from my past.
As hard as it was to write all those pages and then decide not to publish it, It was still something I believe I needed to do in order to heal more than ever before. My self growth journey over these past two years has led me to be someone who sees things differently. Someone who has more patience and understanding. Someone who has realized that it is actually okay to share my journey even though other people don't agree. It is okay if people don't like me or what I do. And it is okay to take a break from people who don't serve you in ways that they use to. Just because you take a step back from someone, it doesn't mean you don't love them or appreciate them. It just means that you are going down different paths for now.
Writing all of those thoughts out also allowed me to discover a new way to put my thoughts together in a way that made sense and allowed me to share it in a way I felt comfortable. I chose to turn my story into several dark poems. All in sequential order of some of the worst and life changing events of my life. I could never write it all it wouldn't make the point I was getting at. Which is, that no matter what you have gone through, no matter how terrible life may be sometimes, we have the power to change it. We have the power to move on. Everything in life is from our own perspective. We ultimately do things how we see fit.
So you see, writing this book took me almost my whole life thus far. And officially about nine months and several rough drafts to complete. The most important thing you can do is to just start writing. Everyday. You never know what will come out. But you need to try to see.
start small. Pick a memory every day and write about that. Or join my Facebook group where I share writing challenges each day to help spark your mind for writing opportunities.
You got this!
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