I was at my daughter's last basketball game yesterday, and the seating was less than desirable. There was just one long, silver, cold bleacher seat. I wanted to sit near the end so I could stand if I needed to. (I’m still recovering from surgery, and sitting is not always the most comfortable position) I also wanted the bench part that offered back support (a blue gym mat attached to the wall) that aligns only with some of the wall. Things looked good until this older woman and her family came and sat beside me. There was still lots of room on either side of me, but she chose to sit right next to me. Immediate anxiety sits in. Not only did I not want to make small talk with her, but now I had to worry about her sitting so close to me. I didn’t want to slide over because I would lose the back support. I decided just to sit tight and deal with it.
When I thought it couldn’t get worse, four more people walked up to this lady, and they all started moving down the bench to fit. She looked over at me and silently asked me to move down. My insides clenched. What could I do? I didn’t want to be rude, so I slid down slightly. I tried to salvage a piece of the mat, but in the end, it wasn’t worth it. I slid all the way down and shivered until the seat warmed up again.
I was pretty mad about the whole situation. I needed to reflect. I reminded myself this situation was temporary. Was it really worth getting angry over? No. Does this lady have any idea about my situation? No. Was she intentionally being hurtful? No. This was not worth my energy to be angry. This was temporary.
It took me a lot of time and work to develop this mindset. We are all human, and we have feelings. Having a mindset change does not mean I still don’t get angry or upset at stupid shit. I still very much have initial reactions. The change for me is that they are short lived. I have made it to a point where I can recognize my feelings quickly and examine my viewpoint to decide if those feelings are valid or if I need to take a step back and look at the situation from a different viewpoint.
My hope that I can help others realize that reflection piece and handle their feelings and situations more easily. We have to consciously decide how we want to feel about them and live them out. Things can escalate quickly if we don’t stop ourselves. It’s even harder when you are part of a group and there is a fire starter around. It can be very tempting to jump on the misery ship and start making holes.
At the end of the day, this was my daughter's last basketball game of the season. I didn’t want to remember the game this way. This memory I was making, and the joy I was experiencing watching her, was temporary!
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