I didn't even realize I was falling apart again. I didn't realize I would once again be on a healing journey. Or maybe I am still healing? Maybe we are always healing from something.
It started about a year ago? If I am being honest, I am not really even sure. Maybe it's been even longer. When I really decided I was going to do whatever it took to be able to work from home and make my own schedule and my own rules, I also shifted something in my brain to make myself start asking, "Who are you, really?" ,"What do you want out of life?", "Where do you want to go in life?". Sure these sentences are very simple to write but the deep meanings made to come out of answering them are heavy.
I am someone who really likes the ability to control my own life. Of course this is unrealistic in so many ways, but I think you get the idea. I knew deep down I've always wanted to be more of a freelance worker. I'm a writer and a creator. This leads me to needing a schedule with flexibility and odd hours.
But lately, I found myself taking meetings with opportunities I know I don't want. I've lost sight of what I have worked so hard to get. I let money come before my happiness. Luckily, I controlled my impulsivity this time and I consulted with two of my very close friends who were able to remind me that I am going down a path that I worked so hard to get off of.
When I reflect back on these last few weeks, I am proud of myself in so many ways. Instead of jumping into something, I took time to talk it out with people who really know me, my husband included. I also controlled my impulsivity and took into consideration those conversations instead of shoving them aside. I am growing. I didn't even realize it until this very moment of writing it. I have been struggling with this for so long and here I am, seeing actual growth. Huge milestones.
I guess we are really healing forever. From all kinds of things. Recognizing growth within ourselves is so rewarding. I would recommend sitting down for a moment and think about where your growth is. The only person you should compare yourself with is you. Where were you yesterday compared to how you are today?
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