Not Caring What Others Think

This concept can sound easy but it has so many layers. There is the initial thought of saying to yourself "yeah, who cares what anyone thinks." But then you still do things in your day to day life based on what others think of you. For example, if you ever hesitate to post something online after you were ready to hit that post button but then you hesitate or delete it, it's because you are thinking about what someone will think of you when you post it. Therefore, you do still care about what others think. No judgement here. I get it. Otherwise I wouldn't be able to say that example. I have done this a million times. It takes real practice and self reflection to get to a place where hitting that post button without hesitation feels amazing. I have just got to this point in my life.

Let me explain.

I have gone through phases of "not caring". Let's stick with the posting on social media example. There were times where I would post something and not care but that is only because I was making mediocre posts. Or posts that were nothing serious or heavy or fully the truth of what was really going on. Therefore, I convinced myself that I didn't care. And I didn't. But thats because I was only at the tip of the iceberg of sharing the true crazy of which I call life. Now, you will start to see some real life shit. The real crazy things my mind thinks of.

I want to live in such a way that when a thought comes to my mind and I want to share it, I will now do so without hesitation because I am now at a point where I really don't care what you think. This is my life. This is my truth and if you don't like, then don't read it. Plane. and. simple.

It is not easy to get to this point but the freeness of it all, is so refreshing. I grew up in a house where I was constantly told "What happens in this house, stays in this house." That was because there were lots of secrets to be kept. And I kept them. But now I get to live my own life and I will share what I want to share. My goal isn't to hurt anyone or bring up past mistakes of the people I call family. But it does mean that I need to stop feeling shame for things that were said to me or done to me that I had no control of. I will not hide in the darkness. I know my truth. I have found the happiness in myself that I deserve and I intend to grow more and more within myself so that I can be the best woman I can be.

What's My Thing?

I have struggled for quite some time about what my "thing" is. What is my niche? I have been teaching for so long I just assumed that is has to be my thing. However, there is so much more to be than being a teacher. I am also a mother, sister, wife, and most importantly, a woman.

I am a woman who has been broken, damaged, abused, traumatized and divorced. As a result, I have suffered anxiety, depression and two attempts of suicide. My last attempt was back when I was 16 years old. Unfortunately, I can't say the same for self mutilation. The last time for that was about six years ago. I never wanted do it as a mother but I relapsed and it happened.

It pains me to admit all this. To even write it out. The thought that I may actually hit the publish button and share these thoughts with the world is so utterly and completely scary it makes me literally feel sick. That is why I know I need to do it. I know that I can't be alone. I know that there is another mother out there also hiding these experiences and feelings and keeps them all to herself because she too feels the shame and anxiety of sharing them with the word. The judgment she knows will come her way.

For me, my biggest fear, is that the students I have taught will think less of me. That their parents won't want me to teach them or be near them anymore. That they will shut me out, ignore, yell at me for thinking I had the right to teach their children. When I know that I am a great teacher and I would never hurt their children. The fear is still there. And the worst fear is having their sympathy. I don't need sympathy. I don't want sympathy. I want understanding and awareness.

There is so much more to people on the inside. There is so much more that we don't share with each other. There is so much more to our lives that some of us don't share with anyone.

I have always wanted to help other people. That is my "thing" or my "niche". Sharing my experiences and what I have learned along the way will be how I can help someone else.

If there is any purpose to this blog, It will be to help one other mother out there who is struggling. One mother who is so afraid to tell the world her story. I see you. I understand the fear. I understand the shame. I understand the pain. I want you to know you are not alone and that you deserve to be here. Harming yourself is never the right answer even though it may feel that way.

I want you to know there is hope and coping skills you can develop to feel better. So stick around and hear about my journey. I am ready to share. I'm ready to show you what I have learned to live a better life. To choose to be happy in a world full of chaos.

This is about being real, not perfect. If you are ready for that kind of honesty, then stick around. I can't promise there won't be tears or a perfect forever, but I can promise, honesty, laughter, growth!

How to make a schedule

Here is my video about how to make a schedule! 📆These are the steps I took to set myself up for success everyday!

To be successful, you have to have a plan. “ A dream without a goal is just a dream.” 🌟What is it that you want out of life? Okay now how to you plan to get it? Now set up a schedule that allows you to focus on how to achieve that goal! ✅

Watch this video📹 on how I created a plan and stick to it everyday!