Have you ever found yourself up late at night, drinking a glass of wine in your silk pajama pants wondering why so-and-so hasn’t texted you back?
Who hasn’t right? Depending on your anxiety meter, we all have that inclination, however how tiny, that thinks about what someone else thinks about us. Did I lose you?
Let me put it this way, we care what other people think even if we don’t want to. If you have ever hesitated to make a decision in your life and someones face popped up in your head, it’s because you care what that person thinks. True, right? We all have people we care about, maybe live with and do life with and if we didn’t care about what that person thinks, we probably wouldn’t last long in that relationship.
But what about that other kind of care. What about the kind that drives you nuts. What about the kind you talk about with your girlfriends all night long saying things like “Why didn’t he text me back?”, “Do you really think his work is that busy?”, “Why did she say it like that. Does she think I’m a bitch now?”
I could go on and on but I think you get it. Those examples are just basic fear of rejection. We could be worried about it with all kinds of people, not just love interests. The perseveration could continue for a while depending on how important we have deemed that person in our lives. Your friends might stage an intervention if you are not careful.
But what about those of us with extreme, diagnosable anxiety? Those of us who may always keep Ativan on hand in case we feel that sudden panic attack take over? Those of us who worry about every word, facial expression, text message, email, and of course, ANY social interaction? those of us who know we are worthy of self-respect, let alone others' respect, yet we can't seem to keep that boundary? those of us who hang on every word and cry ourselves to sleep with trepidation, what about us?
We are the ones people would consider insecure, anxious driven and fearful. We are called names like crazy, sensitive or overwhelming to be around. We are the ones who people try to say “just relax” to us and they cannot understand why that doesn't work for us.
Anxiety is the emotion that leads us to that validation. We want to be seen, known, loved, heard, accepted and all with unwavering understanding and most importantly, patience. We want to live a peaceful life with good people in it and seeking validation only wastes our time.
The way I think of it is I came into this world alone and I will leave it alone. I am alone in my thoughts, feelings, and self-reflection. I am the only person in this world that knows the real me. All of me without judgment. Self-love is the only love I need to worry about.
I have learned to focus on what matters to me. I make time for what makes me feel the most fulfilled and natural. I engage in activities that bring me joy. I keep self-care on my priority list. I remind myself to stay calm and kind. I work everyday on becoming a better me.
You are only in control of you!
