Writing Challenges

When I published my book back in November, the amount of feedback and questions I got was something I had only dreamt about. I had no idea anyone was going to buy it let alone want to talk to me about it. And now, I have people reaching out every couple of days, still, asking me what I did and how I did it. I am going to share my entire process here in hopes to inspire you and relate to how you might be feeling right now.

First off, I have been writing since I first learned how. The oldest journal I still have is from 5th grade. I have been writing on and off for years. I have several starts to my book all over the place. This is because I was afraid to share my story. As life went on and more horrible things happened and my depression thickened, I convinced myself I could never tell my story. I almost completely convinced myself that I could never share the true stories that happened in a way that I felt comfortable. Until one day in February 2022, I was walking with my friend Gina after we picked up our girls from school and she was talking about her book she was writing. I told her how much I envied her and how I wanted to write a book so badly. She literally said to me "Just do it." And for whatever reason in that moment, I believed I could. So I did. From February until about July I wrote and wrote over 100 some pages. Then one day I looked at it and reread it over and over. I then decided this wasn't it. I could not publish what I wrote. I wasn't ready. I couldn't do it. I didn't feel comfortable writing it the way I did. I used names, I went into great detail and relived some of the most painful days of my life. This process was tremendously hard for me. I didn't quite realize how much of a toll it took on me until later in the year. It had to grieve all over again. I was depressed in some ways, all over again. I took my anger out on people who didn't deserve it. I indulged a little too much in alcohol and made a fool of myself in front of my neighbors. All because I was reliving the hurt and pain from my past.

As hard as it was to write all those pages and then decide not to publish it, It was still something I believe I needed to do in order to heal more than ever before. My self growth journey over these past two years has led me to be someone who sees things differently. Someone who has more patience and understanding. Someone who has realized that it is actually okay to share my journey even though other people don't agree. It is okay if people don't like me or what I do. And it is okay to take a break from people who don't serve you in ways that they use to. Just because you take a step back from someone, it doesn't mean you don't love them or appreciate them. It just means that you are going down different paths for now.

Writing all of those thoughts out also allowed me to discover a new way to put my thoughts together in a way that made sense and allowed me to share it in a way I felt comfortable. I chose to turn my story into several dark poems. All in sequential order of some of the worst and life changing events of my life. I could never write it all it wouldn't make the point I was getting at. Which is, that no matter what you have gone through, no matter how terrible life may be sometimes, we have the power to change it. We have the power to move on. Everything in life is from our own perspective. We ultimately do things how we see fit.

So you see, writing this book took me almost my whole life thus far. And officially about nine months and several rough drafts to complete. The most important thing you can do is to just start writing. Everyday. You never know what will come out. But you need to try to see.

start small. Pick a memory every day and write about that. Or join my Facebook group where I share writing challenges each day to help spark your mind for writing opportunities.

You got this!

Three Ways to Feel Accomplished at The End of The Day.

There are some days that just fly by so fast that you feel like you did nothing worth while by the end of the day. You start to think about all of the things you did and then harp on yourself for spending too much time scrolling TikTok. We have all been there. I am going to share with you three ways to feel better about your day and still get a good night sleep.

First things first, get a notebook of some sort.

You could even use the note pad on your phone if digital is your thing. (pen to paper just makes me feel better!) At the end of each day, maybe while you are waiting for dinner to cook, take out that notebook and make a list of all the things you did that day. Things like: vacuuming, read a book, did the laundry, changed the cat box, took out the trash etc. You get the idea. You don't have to write down every single thing. Give yourself a number like 5 or 7.The point is once you get started, you will start to realize how many things you did actually accomplish. You will start feeling better before you know it. Make this a habit and do it everyday. Then by the end of the week when you may be stressing again, you can look back and see how you used your time even if it doesn't always feel like it. This is also a great tip if you have a specific goal in mind that you are trying to accomplish. For example, writing a book. Maybe at the end of each day you write down your word count and a brief summary of what you wrote. If you are trying to lose weight you could note about the healthy things you ate and the exercise you did. And how you held back and didn't buy that donut on donut day! Hey, it's the little things!

Number two, Make a to do list at night for the next day.

How many times have you gone to bed and find yourself laying there listing all of the things you need to do the next day? It's really annoying and feeds the anxiety we already have! Instead, write that to do list right before bed. That way when you wake up in the morning, you will have your list ready when you are to get started. There won't be any time to waste asking yourself "what needs to get done?". You know you need to call the dentist, do it right away!

Finally, phone a friend. Or text works too! Tell someone one thing you did today. Go ahead and call your mom about how you finally got that stain out of the curtains. Text your best friend with a picture of your freshly folded towels. She will get it! I mean we all have to do laundry, right? Just taking that moment for yourself to acknowledge that you are doing things is really about your mind frame, not the feedback from whoever you talk to about it. Who knows maybe you will wind up with an accountability friend who you can message through out the day about your little wins. It may seem silly but our brain works best when we tell it what to think and focus on!

Just remember, now matter what you did during a given day, you did more than what you are giving yourself credit for. Remember how important you are and how big those little things matter. I mean if you didn't put a new roll of toilet paper on the rack, who would have?

Stay positive!

How To Accomplish Your goals For 2023

Each year we get a new chance. A way to start over. Try new things, lose weight, exercise, read more etc. We all want to do all the things right?

The thing is, no matter what or how many goals we have, the important thing is knowing how to actually accomplish those goals otherwise, it's just all talk. I am going to enlighten you with the secret you have actually been looking for. The answer to why you never accomplish the goals you want. The reason why you just can't seem to get started.

Before you think "I know, its motivation. I have none." I am going to stop you there. It is NOT motivation. We all have motivation to want to do new things. We get all excited and make a plan and tell a friend and do all things but it still somehow doesn't happen.

Here is the real reason why you are stuck in your own demise.

The key to accomplishing your goals is changing your habits. We need to rewire our brain to do the things we don't normally do in order to accomplish the new things that we want to do. This my friends, is why many people do not actually succeed at accomplishing their goals. Our brains are programmed and are on autopilot. We can't just hit a reset button or unplug ourselves for 60 seconds and try again. We are way more complex than that. What we need to do is much more complicated. We need to know the reason behind what we want to change and why it would actually benefit us in the long run. We need to see the future of greatness of our achievements in order to put ourselves through the pain of the uncomfortableness we will be putting our bodies through in order to do something different.

Our human nature has now been designed to be comfortable and when we are not, we suffer. We self sabotage. We become depressed. We become negative. Ultimately, we go further away from our goal because we have decided our goal is too hard and we failed after only three days because we suck. We ruined the diet by going over 12 points and so we may as well just eat those nine cookies that are left because whatever, we already messed up so it doesn't matter. Right? We go in a downward spiral and don't know how to get out.

Sound familiar?

I know it does because I have been there too. I have had these thoughts all too often and if I don't keep my thoughts under control, I can get back there very easily. The reason why I have made so much change over the last two years, why my friends now call me "super mom", why the most common question I get these days is "How do you do it all?" is all because I changed my habits in order to accomplish the things I wanted.

The first thing I did was research on personal growth. I was having major anxiety issues and I was even diagnosed and put on medication. I knew I didn't want to rely on medication so I decided to find another way. I decided to learn about my anxiety and figure out how to handle it. I found Mel Robbins book "The Five Second Rule" and my life began to change. This book helped me change my habits and behaviors. It was the start of my journey.

My first suggestion for you is to start your personal growth journey. Take a look at yourself and decided what you want or need to work on internally within your soul. Do this before you decide you want to lose 50lbs or learn to speak Spanish. Figure out if you are totally happy with who you are as a person first. Figure out what selfcare habits you can make. Then you can begin to understand yourself better and you will be able to progress towards those other goals you have for yourself. As corny as it sounds, you need to believe in yourself first. You can do it. I promise!