It's Temporary

I was at my daughter's last basketball game yesterday, and the seating was less than desirable. There was just one long, silver, cold bleacher seat. I wanted to sit near the end so I could stand if I needed to. (I’m still recovering from surgery, and sitting is not always the most comfortable position) I also wanted the bench part that offered back support (a blue gym mat attached to the wall)  that aligns only with some of the wall. Things looked good until this older woman and her family came and sat beside me. There was still lots of room on either side of me, but she chose to sit right next to me. Immediate anxiety sits in. Not only did I not want to make small talk with her, but now I had to worry about her sitting so close to me. I didn’t want to slide over because I would lose the back support. I decided just to sit tight and deal with it.

When I thought it couldn’t get worse, four more people walked up to this lady, and they all started moving down the bench to fit. She looked over at me and silently asked me to move down. My insides clenched. What could I do? I didn’t want to be rude, so I slid down slightly. I tried to salvage a piece of the mat, but in the end, it wasn’t worth it. I slid all the way down and shivered until the seat warmed up again. 

I was pretty mad about the whole situation. I needed to reflect. I reminded myself this situation was temporary. Was it really worth getting angry over? No. Does this lady have any idea about my situation? No. Was she intentionally being hurtful? No. This was not worth my energy to be angry. This was temporary.

It took me a lot of time and work to develop this mindset. We are all human, and we have feelings. Having a mindset change does not mean I still don’t get angry or upset at stupid shit. I still very much have initial reactions. The change for me is that they are short lived. I have made it to a point where I can recognize my feelings quickly and examine my viewpoint to decide if those feelings are valid or if I need to take a step back and look at the situation from a different viewpoint. 

My hope that I can help others realize that reflection piece and handle their feelings and situations more easily. We have to consciously decide how we want to feel about them and live them out. Things can escalate quickly if we don’t stop ourselves. It’s even harder when you are part of a group and there is a fire starter around. It can be very tempting to jump on the misery ship and start making holes. 

At the end of the day, this was my daughter's last basketball game of the season. I didn’t want to remember the game this way. This memory I was making, and the joy I was experiencing watching her, was temporary! 

I Consider My Kids First

Being a mom is more than just having babies and loving and caring for them, which is the best part of course! But when you are a mother, there is so much more meaning to that label. Everything I do in my life revolves around my children. Before you come at me, let me explain.

I don’t mean that I don’t live and do things that make me happy. What I mean is that I consider them in all aspects of my life. I no longer only look after myself, I have three humans I am responsible for. I cannot just up and leave and travel the world, I can’t even go to sleep until they are settled in their beds. 

When you decide to become a mother, you give up your immediate free will. Before you make choices, you need to consider your children first. This is a concept that may not be realized right away. Because the thought of caring for a precious little baby usually comes first! Being a mother is by far the most rewarding experience of my life and I wouldn’t change it for the world. 

The realization of how much your life changes, is inconceivable. I remember being told several times “You won’t understand until you’re a mother.” I used to hate being told this. In fact I despised it. I was a teacher. I worked with children everyday. I knew how they were. I knew what needs they had. And then on October 5th, 2014 I became a mother and holy shit I knew NOTHING! 

You think you know, until you KNOW. There is no way to actually know what being a mother is until you are one. The constant care and responsibility for someone other than yourself is immense. But again, the most rewarding. There is no career that can compare to my raising my own tiny humans, and I work in human services! While I do very rewarding work, there is something to be said about a baby growing inside your body and that bond. There is nothing like it. And those moms who adopt and use surrogate mothers, the trust and responsibility you have to put in others to grow that baby for you, I can’t even imagine. I am sure it is immeasurable. 

Thing about being a mom is that it's a realization that life is not just about you anymore. It is also an amazing revelation that you get to teach someone about the world and share your wisdom and experiences. The light in your child's eyes when they learn something new or have a new experience can be one of the highlights of your life!

How Does Self-Care Actually Help?

This methodology of self-care is becoming huge. You hear about it all the time. There are so many suggestions about things to do for self-care. But what does it all actually mean?

The truth about self-care is that it is not something that can be answered simply. Self-care may look different to many different people. That is because self-care is not like giving medicine to solve a problem. It can be used to solve many problems. There is no one answer or one solution. Self-care is truly what any one person desires. 

Self-care can be taking a spa day or playing football with your friends. Self-care practices do not have to be “relaxing”. It can be any activity that makes you feel good. That allows you to let loose and have fun. Maybe sitting on the beach reading a book or setting up a volleyball game and dashing through the sand. 

The point is, don’t let anyone tell you what self-care is for you. Let self-care be the thing that helps you enjoy life. Then embrace that thing as much as you can. It’s also ideal if you can find something you can do daily for self-care. For example, sitting silently for five minutes, reading a book, or walking.

The choice is yours, but please make it. Choosing something for yourself is so important. We need to start prioritizing ourselves and not making it sound so selfish. You can’t help others if you can’t help you!

Choose Happy